Friday, June 4, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Feeling sorry for myself
Tonight I feel shitty and especially dis-connected from my family.
The girls have gone on with their lives. I try not to interfere, make comments or pass judgement. (I made the the mistake of letting my parents run too much of my life, which I now regret.) Let them make their own decisions. Live their own lives. Don't make them feel guilty or obligate. Virtually no command performances. I'm here if you need me but I won't pry or horn in.
Perhaps I've taken that dis connect too far. Not only have they become independent, it seems more like distant. They have moved on, without me. Something happened tonight to drive that home. An innocent conversation really. But, now it hurts.
Self inflicted. I let it happen. Unfortunately, I don't think it can be reversed at this point. Quite sad.
The girls have gone on with their lives. I try not to interfere, make comments or pass judgement. (I made the the mistake of letting my parents run too much of my life, which I now regret.) Let them make their own decisions. Live their own lives. Don't make them feel guilty or obligate. Virtually no command performances. I'm here if you need me but I won't pry or horn in.
Perhaps I've taken that dis connect too far. Not only have they become independent, it seems more like distant. They have moved on, without me. Something happened tonight to drive that home. An innocent conversation really. But, now it hurts.
Self inflicted. I let it happen. Unfortunately, I don't think it can be reversed at this point. Quite sad.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
lost
A couple of weeks ago I misplaced a key on a Mickey Mouse key chain I bought at Disneyland. The key was easily replaced and only opened the desk drawers at work... the key chain, well that's just gone.
I came home from work last night and put my lunch box and purse on the eat in counter in the kitchen. Normally, I'd put my car key on the hook by the phone. Somehow that didn't happen. I know it's in this house because I drove home from work! The trash can outside has been searched as well as the one under the sink. The counter stripped bare. Under everything. Behind everything. Next to everything. On top of everything.... gone. Shit.
The searching progressed continued to the car. Nothing. The garage... nope. Every room in the house. I blame the kitties but actually believe it's just me.
I came home from work last night and put my lunch box and purse on the eat in counter in the kitchen. Normally, I'd put my car key on the hook by the phone. Somehow that didn't happen. I know it's in this house because I drove home from work! The trash can outside has been searched as well as the one under the sink. The counter stripped bare. Under everything. Behind everything. Next to everything. On top of everything.... gone. Shit.
The searching progressed continued to the car. Nothing. The garage... nope. Every room in the house. I blame the kitties but actually believe it's just me.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
dis...connected
There is a real fear when the mind seems to be unwinding.
Starting with walking to the refrigerator and not remembering why.
Remembering most of a situation but not all the details.
The face comes to mind but the name does not... or... remembering the first but not the last.
Being asked a question and not being able to make the words move from my head to my mouth.
Joking that the brain is so full of unnecessary information... like your first grade teacher's name... there simply isn't enough room for anything new.
But, it's not that funny.
I feel it coming. It's real. And, seems to be happening more rapidly every day.
So far the computer passwords come when called but tonight I picked up the TV remote and thought for a long time before I could remember how to make it work. Scary.
This blog will serve as a journal of the day's short circuits.
Starting with walking to the refrigerator and not remembering why.
Remembering most of a situation but not all the details.
The face comes to mind but the name does not... or... remembering the first but not the last.
Being asked a question and not being able to make the words move from my head to my mouth.
Joking that the brain is so full of unnecessary information... like your first grade teacher's name... there simply isn't enough room for anything new.
But, it's not that funny.
I feel it coming. It's real. And, seems to be happening more rapidly every day.
So far the computer passwords come when called but tonight I picked up the TV remote and thought for a long time before I could remember how to make it work. Scary.
This blog will serve as a journal of the day's short circuits.
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